According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
