Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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