What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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