based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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