1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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