We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
