Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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