I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
