its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
