She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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