I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
