My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let's get the cat blown out
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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