is your mom at the bar?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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