she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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