Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
