I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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