You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
