I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
