he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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