it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
