Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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