Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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