Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
