Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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