FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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