the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My cat gives me a boner
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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