the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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