Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
