I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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