Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
