...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
