So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
