Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
