I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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