Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
