He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
