i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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