Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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