I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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