I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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