Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
