All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
