I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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