she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
