4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
