I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
