I cannot find my penis.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
