I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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