I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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