everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
