Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we're so committed to being not committed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
