And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am mentally ready for anal.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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