She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
