3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
