M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
