I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
