I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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