she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
