I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
