We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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