I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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