I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
