I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Life is so much better after having sex.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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