Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
