The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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