Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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