she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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