Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
