I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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