Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
