also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
