You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
