Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
