I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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