my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
