well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
