For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
