Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
