I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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