You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
