I wannas sexs uuuuu
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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